Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
