it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
