is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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