Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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