In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
