i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I need moral support for this bender
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
