walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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