The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
