I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize