She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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