A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
