we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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