There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
