I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
