Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
