i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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