Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Randomize
