Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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