Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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