He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
