What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
