Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
of course. lets lasso hookers.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
She's the barista slut.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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