hotel room ftw
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
