you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
