Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
