you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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