i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
