I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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