Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
