So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize