brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
