goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
