i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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