I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.