he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?