Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
