Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize