Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
