at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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