Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
