Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
