Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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