What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
