He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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