glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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