Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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