I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I just googled if crying burns calories
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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