why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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