Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
