yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
