I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
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