i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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