Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
When did angry sex become our thing?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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