oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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