I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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