i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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