He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
