the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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