I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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