I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
