I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
