My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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