In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
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i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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