It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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