Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Randomize
