There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
