So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
