I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
