Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
