The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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