did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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