that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
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