i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
