just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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