i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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